BREAKING NEWS: U.S. Warplanes Strike Canada

SNS, Washington DC – 27 March:  The Pentagon announced this morning that U.S. Air Force F-18A warplanes have struck strategic targets in Ottawa and Toronto.  Secretary of Defense William Gates was quoted as saying that “…no American ground troops have been deployed, nor are there any immediate plans for so doing.  Our entire objective at this point is to pacify certain Canadian assets and demonstrate our displeasure at their refusal to be bullied into joining our Coalition of the Paid.”

When pressed by reporters as to why Canada and why now, President Barack Obama pointed out that “…up to now my administration has only been bombing and killing brown people in predominately Muslim nations.  We felt it was important for our long-term relations with the Islamic world to show that we are not averse to killing a few white Christians and even some Atheists now and then.  Besides, Canada is very close by, and thus bombing involved far less complex logistics and could be achieved at a far lower cost than if we had deployed assets somewhere farther away, Australia for example.”